"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M Scott Peck

I don’t often start my musings with a question, but today I’m going to. Do you have a daily routine? In fact, do you have any kind of routine for your life? It can be quite comfortable getting up each morning, knowing exactly what you need to do and how to do it. It gives stability and security, and a sense of being able to cope with what lies ahead. The problems (or should I say challenges) come when our routine is disrupted by others who dare to interrupt its flow! “Tsk – they know that at 7.10am each day I need to brush my teeth so I can leave for 7.15am to get my train? How dare they interrupt what I’m doing!” Sound in any way familiar to you? Maybe it does maybe it doesn’t, but I think you get my drift.

Routine can be great for planning what we need to do each day and when it needs to happen. It’s what we do to feel safe and not fearful. But when that routine is interrupted, all hell can break loose and fear can dominate: what if I’m late? What if I don’t get it done? What if it all goes horribly wrong? What if I get into trouble? How will I fix it and put it right? And so on.

Another thing about routine, of course, is that it can end up being very mundane and, more importantly, keep us stuck in a rut. How many people do you know that fall into a kind of automatic routine: get up, get ready for work, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, go to bed, sleep, get up, get ready for work, and so on? I remember, when I worked in investment banking I would be like that. Get up at 5am, get ready, leave at 6am, start work at 7am, get my lunch and eat it at my desk at 12.30pm, leave at 7.00pm, get home at 8pm, eat dinner, go to bed at 9pm. I did that for about 2.5 years before I got a wake up call.

You see the thing with the Universe is, it does like order. Most definitely. However it also wants change, and it will force change whether we like it or not. Ever noticed how life can sometimes seem to be skipping along in a routine way which we’re comfortable and used to and then suddenly BANG something happens that completely blows our world apart. The thing is, you see, the Universe has already been sending signals to us to change something but we’ve been so caught up in the automaton of routine that we’ve failed to notice them. So the Universe sends us something that will grab our attention. Something so huge that we cannot not notice it. Think about things that have seemed to come out of the blue for you, perhaps redundancy, illness, repairs to the home, things breaking in the home, someone around you needing so much help you cannot focus upon yourself and your routine, etc.

Ever seen the film Shirley Valentine? Wonderful story about a middle aged woman who’s married and stuck in a routine, day in, day out. They even have the same menu of food each week! Eventually she gets a wake up call whilst on holiday in Greece which, in turn, gives her husband a great big nudge too. They’d become so stuck in a rut that it needed something like Shirley’s trip to Greece to wake them up.

Do you see, the Universe wants growth, expansion, change, and evolution. And do you know what? It WILL get them. We can either choose to change with it, or be dragged along kicking and screaming. Either way we’ll change along with it. The question to ask ourselves is: Do I want to make this as comfortable and enjoyable as possible or do I want to stay where I am as long as I can and make it painful?

One thing to understand about change is, that it doesn’t have to happen in huge ways all at once. Undoubtedly there will be times when it does, but most change that happens is gradual. Like the change in waistline or the number of wrinkles and grey hairs we get as we get older! Do you see, the more comfortable we are with change, the more enjoyable and pain-free it can become.

Ever had those moments where you’ve ended up somewhere and you don’t know how you got there?! You remember setting off but then, all of a sudden, you are where you were headed for but don’t remember the journey. That’s automatic pilot and we can end up doing that a lot of if we don’t pay attention.

What can make change easier is if we pay attention to what we’re doing as often as we can – ideally all the time! Also, begin changing small things in your life – walk a slightly different route to work, get up 5 minutes earlier or later, eat something different for breakfast, choose to read a book instead of automatically switching the TV on and so on. By getting used to small changes, the larger ones are much more easier to manage. Unless we test and try new ways of doing things we’ll never know if our lives could be more fun and interesting.

Remember, we are all in control of our lives, what we do, and (on the whole) how and when we do it. We always have a choice. If we don’t like the routine someone else is pushing on us we can make that choice – try to change it, or get out and find a way of doing things that works for us. Choose to begin changing now, or the Universe will most certainly have a “big bang” waiting in the wings for you

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” ~ Michael Jordon

As we move through life, it is often true that we are trying to improve something about our life. Be it our home, our job, our knowledge, or some other part of our make up. It can feel so great when we finally let go of a repetitive pattern or recurring fear that has been causing us to stay stuck or go round in circles.

We all have expectations of ourselves and we live up to those expectations. We also have a tendency, at times, to try to live up to others’ expectations of us and make them our own goals to aim for. This isn’t necessarily “wrong”, but it isn’t always that helpful, especially if the expectation is that you will fail or not do well or, even worse I think, that you will never be able to change. That’s a phrase I hear quite often from people “he/she will never change”. Says who? A blog for another time perhaps, but suffice to say, we change every single second. We are not who we were 5 minutes ago, let alone 5 years ago!

But I digress. Expectations are what we live up to. Change the expectations and we can change our life. The down side of that, of course, is that sometimes the people around us don’t like the fact that we are changing. It unsettles their views of us and can, perhaps, make them think about changing some things about their own lives. Oooh too scary! This can culminate in rather attacking behaviour: “You’re not who I thought you were”, “Who do you think you are?”, and so on. This is not to say that others can be blamed for us being where we are – we all have a choice at the end of the day. Other people’s opinions and views can be helpful in terms of us taking a step back and viewing it from a number of different angles and perspectives. Only we will really know what is “right” for us at the time. By “right” I mean “feels right” for there is no right and wrong really: just different outcomes.

One of the things that can stop us from feeling good about changes we’ve made is fear about what other people will think of us. We don’t necessarily want to stand out in the crowd, or here’s a great one “get ideas above our station”! Ever heard someone say that?! “Who does he/she think he/she is?”! So when we’ve achieved something we can have a tendency not to tell some people around us for fear of what they might think and feel. Doesn’t matter that we feel brilliant and fantastic about what we’ve done. We downplay it and confirm to patterns that others expect of us so as not to upset the apple cart.

Can you really honestly say that you are not really pleased for a friend when he or she gets ahead? I think it can be one of the most wonderful things when someone you like and care about shares their joy with you. You get the benefit of celebrating with them. So when it comes to sharing your own achievements feel good about them, and feel good about feeling good! There’s nothing to be ashamed about when you’ve achieved something that’s really meaningful for you. Hell, you’ve worked really hard to get it, why shouldn’t you be happy?! I’m not saying ram it down people’s throats – joy and being over-proud are two different things.

It’s time to feel good about feeling good about all the things you’ve achieved so far in your life. Let go of shame, embarrassment, or guilt. They are all Ego-based emotions designed to keep you in a rut. As the song goes:

I am what I am, I am my own special creation,
So come take a look, give me the hook, or the ovation
It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a dam, Until I can say
I am what I am!

So, feel good, about feeling good! By doing so, you’re also helping others to do the same.

Each of us literally chooses, by his way of attending to things, what sort of universe he shall appear to himself to inhabit.
William James

Imagine, if you will, the most stunning, beautiful lake you have ever seen. Peaceful. Abundant with life. Majestic and magnificent. Fresh air abounding. Gentle breeze rippling the surface of the water and the feathers of the birds floating on the surface. Warm sun shining down. The sound of the breeze swishing the grasses, plants, and trees around the lakeside. The sound of the water lapping the shore, and the gentle “plop” as a fish pops up to the surface. Totally unspoiled and pure.

How disappointed and angry would you be if people started to spoil the lake by leaving rubbish by it. If companies started emptying out toxic waste into it. Think how horrible it would be if the only things that were put into the lake were unhelpful to life and growth. Sadly this happens to beautiful places around the world.

Now, imagine that lake represents you and your life. For make no mistake, we are all beautiful beings. Within your “Lake” is a wealth and variety of things to experience, within, around, and on the top of it. Imagine now that your thoughts are what feed and flow into your “Lake”. Are the thoughts you think energetic, beautiful, and filled with life? Or are the thoughts you think toxic, and trashy? Make no mistake, it is our thoughts which create the world around us and the life we experience. What we think, we begin to believe. What we believe, we live by. What we live by, is what we create.

All the time that we are thinking negatively about people we know, or resenting and hating things that have happened to us in the past, or worrying about what will happen in the future – we are polluting the life we are living.

There is a public outcry when companies dump toxic chemicals into beautiful places. And yet, when we dump toxic thoughts into our minds and our lives – who’s going to stop us? No one really can force us what to think. We have to make a choice. In order to make that choice, we need awareness. Awareness of what we are thinking. However, we have become so used to the internal dialogue that goes on within our heads that we often don’t notice it, let alone what we are actually thinking.

The best way to be aware of what we are thinking is to pay attention to our emotions. Our emotions are caused by what we think. It’s a lot of very hard work to monitor every single thought – however it’s a hell of a lot easier to monitor our feelings. In order to create and maintain the beautiful Lake that is our life, we need to take responsibility for how we are feeling, what we are thinking, and, thus, what we are creating.

No one can change our thoughts and feelings for us – we can only do that ourselves. With this understanding comes awareness and the ability to begin to make wonderful changes in, and to, our lives and the world around us. Change your thoughts. Change your life.

Hopefully you’ll be humming the tune to that song already ☺ Such a great song with a simple message: don’t worry be happy. Does what it says on the tin! If you’ve never heard the song before, or if you want a reminder, click the video

and have a listen on YouTube ☺

So, what’s all this about today? Well, as the title says, don’t worry, be happy. But let me expand upon that.

We live in a world which is incredibly fast paced, and one where so many are trying to get somewhere quickly. Nothing wrong with fast-paced per se, just as long as you’re enjoying the journey to where you’re going. It can be great whizzing along the roads I know, but the downside to that is that you can’t really appreciate the scenery around you as you do. You see people all the time zooming along at unthinkable speeds because they want to get somewhere fast. Many will be thinking “I’ll be happy or pleased when I get there”.

Now there’s a phrase you probably hear quite regularly “I’ll be happy when”. You might here something similar “I’ll be relaxed when…” or “I’ll be at peace when…”

You know what I want to say when I hear phrases like that? Well probably you don’t know but I’ll tell you so you do! “Nooooooooooo!”. Very simply, the reason I respond like that, is because I want people to understand that being happy in the Now is just, if not more so, important. Ironic as it may seem, being happy now will actually get you to where you want to be far quicker than stressing about getting to where you want to be so you can be happy. Did you get that? Being happy now can provide all sorts of short-cuts to where you want to get to. Have you noticed that the better mood you’re in the more easily your life flows? The better the mood you’re in the more surprise solutions to your problems seem to appear from nowhere?

When you focus upon being happy in the moment, not only does your life flow more easily, but it’s a hell of a lot more enjoyable and less stressful. We can become so blinkered to what’s going on around us at times because we’re so focused upon “getting somewhere”. We can also miss all sorts of delicious opportunities for fun and enjoyment – all because “we’re trying to get somewhere that will make us happy”.

Why deny yourself happiness in this moment? Why not say to yourself “I choose to feel happy now”. Chances are the happier you are now, you’ll create even more happiness on your route to where you’re trying to get to. Then it won’t matter if you necessarily get to where you were originally headed, or whether you decide upon a different goal altogether. The point is, you’ll be happy no matter what you decide to do, or how long it takes. Of course the other thing to think about here is, if you keep focusing on the fact that you’re not where you want to be so you can be happy, that’s what you’ll create more of. In other words, if your attention is always on “getting there” you’ll probably never get there.

So, choose to be happy in the moment, and enjoy the journey to even more happiness. And if you do feel a bit down, just sing along:

“Here's a little song I wrote,
you might want to sing it note for note,
don't worry,
be happy”

It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.
Sydney J Harris

Last night I was watching a programme about Amish teenagers having a visit to the UK. I found it absolutely fascinating. Just how different their lives are to those who live in a world where connection and interaction with others is a normal, everyday occurrence.

It was interesting to see just how accepting they were of each other within their community. There appeared to be no petty jealousies or in-fighting. No violence. Just an acceptance of a peaceful way of life, where everyone is part of a sharing community. Now I’m not saying that, for me, the Amish way of life is perfect as there were a few things and beliefs they have which really jarred with me. However, what really struck me was their acceptance of each other. What was also interesting was how they responded to all the new things in the outside world which completely went against their set of values and beliefs. At first, they appeared to struggle with the idea that people would have children without being married. It was interesting to see them moving to a place of tolerance and acceptance in a relatively short space of time.

Tolerance and acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean you have to agree with what another person does, but that you accept them for who and where they are. It also doesn’t mean you have to endure particular behaviours that you find uncomfortable.

Tolerance and acceptance can also mean you’re able to look past the exterior of the Ego Self and see the beauty of the Soul Self beneath. One of the young boys in the community made quite a poignant statement which really struck me “Just because someone is beautiful on the outside, it doesn’t mean they are on the inside. I look for the beauty beneath”.

In today’s society, it’s very easy to get caught up in the need to be "up-to-date" where clothing is concerned, and “classically good looking”, to focus purely on external image in order to be loved or attract others to us. There is so much pressure to look and dress in particular ways to be accepted. If only we could be more accepting of individual preferences for this kind of thing and, as the young Amish lad said “look for the beauty within”.

I think we’re all guilty at some point in our life of making some kind of judgement about others and the way they look and dress. It’s time we started to let go of this shallow way of valuing and judging others, and begin accepting them more for what’s inside, rather than how they look or dress.

Pay attention over the next few days and notice how often you hear yourself judging on how another person looks (whether in your head or out loud). If/when you find yourself doing it, don’t judge yourself “bad”, just let go of the thought and focus instead on looking for the beauty. Everyone is beautiful. Everyone is perfect. We just have to train ourselves to see it clearly.