It’s very easy in life to get into the habit of blaming other people and situations for things that happen to us that we don’t like. “We didn’t have a good day at the beach because the weather wasn’t that good”. “I didn’t have a good time as a child because my parents did X to me”. “I got really frustrated at the delay because the man in front of me in the queue took ages”. And so on.

Do you see one of the key words in all those sentences is the word “because”. Cause and effect. This happened because of that. We live in a cause and effect world – which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it can be unhelpful when we get into the belief that everything that happens to us or around us is because of something or someone else rather than ourselves.

Being realistic, how long can we really go on blaming other people from our past for what’s going on in our lives right now? Is it really that helpful to hang onto all that resentment towards something that is no longer in our lives? Two good questions to ask ourselves when we realise we’re hanging onto resentment are: “how is this serving me now?”, and “how could my life be different and better if I were to let it go for good?”

You see, another thing about this prolific “blame culture” that currently exists is that it stops us taking responsibility for ourselves, where we are, and where we’re going. It’s a get out clause. An excuse. A reason not move ourselves forward and stay in a place of stagnation and fear – and a place of “feeling sorry for ourselves”. After all, if we get people to feel sorry for us then they’ll make our life better for us. Won’t they? Well they may try at first, but in the end those people tend to disengage from us – temporarily or permanently.

Of course, we all need a bit of help now and then, and that’s not a bad thing at all. It gives others the opportunity to be of service, and for us and them to learn, experience, and share. However, there comes a time we need to give something back to them (or someone else) and ourselves. I love the phrase “God helps those who help themselves” and, religious beliefs aside, I find that life does seem to work like that. The more we take responsibility for who we are, where we are, and where we’re going, the more the Universe/Life supports us in that.

There is so much change happening in the world around us right now that we just don’t have the time to wallow in old blame and resentment to others, or blame it for where we are right now. How many people need to disengage from us before we learn that we’re not helping ourselves by dwelling on past events and situations, or taking responsibility for choosing where to go next? Imagine how fantastic and wonderful life would be if no one blamed anyone else or anything else for anything. If we all lovingly connected with the peaceful soul within, and took responsibility for where we are right now, and what we are creating for the future.

We all have a choice about how we respond to something – or whether we react. Just because someone else is choosing to be angry or fearful, doesn’t mean that we have to be too. Recognising where we’re letting our ego self get the better of us is the first step to reconnecting with the beautiful, loving, Authentic Self we really are. When we do realise it, we can ask ourselves those questions:1) how is this serving me?, and 2) how could life be better if I could let it go for good?

“Let go, and go with the flow”

“Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you.” Jim Rohn

Have you ever heard that phrase “It’s better to give than to receive”? In many ways I’d agree with that statement. It can feel wonderful knowing that you’ve given something to someone that’s helped them or brought them a bit of happiness. When giving there’s that element of enjoyment about knowing you’ve helped. Instant satisfaction. Like smiling at someone in the street and seeing their face light up.

But what about receiving? Is that such a bad thing? Is it wrong to allow others to help us too? We can be such prideful beings at times can’t we! There’s that fear that if we allow ourselves to receive then that makes us less than we really are. Not as good as others. Of course it’s OK when we’re giving because that means we’re contributing and making a difference. BUT, if we’re receiving… a whole different story! Which is of course utter nonsense.

No one can go through life without even a little bit of help at times. The Ego would have us believe that by receiving help from others we’re beholden to them, or that they’re better than us. This is just another illusion to keep us in a place of stagnation and fear.

Let’s look this in a different way. Take an oil lamp. Without the oil and the wick, there is no flame. Without the flame there is no light. The Light allows the person filling the lamp to do so many things when it gets dark. The person using the light of the lamp looks after it and makes sure that there is enough wick and oil in the lamp to provide the light. So, in a sense, is giving something back to the lamp. It’s a cycle. Person fills lamp. Lamp provides light to the person, and so on.

In the same way in life, we need to allow ourselves to receive from others in order to give of ourselves more fully.

Given that we are all equal, all part of the same thing, which is The All That Is/Divine Source, what on earth makes us think we’re not good enough to receive? That’s like saying that a beautiful rose is not as good as a beautiful daffodil. Or course they’re just as good as each other – they’re just slightly different. However they’re still flowers. The bees and insects which fly into them allow themselves to receive the nectar to make honey and, at the same time, take the pollen to new flowers. The flower and bee both give and receive freely. It’s mutually beneficial.

Here’s the thing: if we keep on giving and giving and giving until we’re ready to drop what use are we then? We are so pooped and penniless that we cannot continue giving to others. Whereas if we give and receive equally, in balance, then the cycle can continue on for as long as it needs to.

Let me leave you with this final thought. Every time we stop ourselves receiving from someone who wishes to give to us, we are also denying them the joy and opportunity of giving. Think about it and gift yourself permission to receive just a little bit more ;-)

Life is all about expectations really isn’t it. Have you noticed that? What we expect to happen, and I do mean really expect to happen, usually does. I don’t mean here the half-hearted expectations – I mean the firm beliefs and intentions we set for ourselves about what we want from life.

The challenge with expectations, of course, is that we all have different expectations both of ourselves and, as unhelpfully at times (!), other people. Let me expand upon that. I was in the supermarket the other day and I heard a mother telling her son she “didn’t expect him to behave that way in public because it embarrassed her”. Never mind that she was shouting this at him and drawing more attention to herself than he had in the first place by running up and down the aisle and accidentally knocking into someone (i.e me! )

Don’t worry this is not going to be a lecture about “good parenting”. I am the last to qualify on that given I have no children of my own. What I’m focusing upon here is the expectations we have of other people and how angry we allow ourselves to get when other people don’t live up to them. At the end of the day, why should they?! Isn’t that placing our model of the world around others and trying to force them to do what we want them to do, rather than allowing them the freedom of choice to act on their own conscience and guidance systems?

Even children have their own guidance system and will learn quite quickly about what is helpful and unhelpful behaviour. Of course we’re here to give them guidance to help them navigate the world around them, but at the end of the day, no matter what you do, the child will make up its own mind about what it wants to do. And, as we get older, that sense of “Self” and expectation grows.

If we expect ourselves continually to “fail” (although I don’t really like that word myself – there is no failure, just different outcomes) then we surely will. Put another way, if we expect ourselves not to deliver or manifest what it is we actually want then we never will. What’s that quote “whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’ll be right” (by Henry Ford).

Going back to expectations by others, have you ever heard yourself (or someone around you) “I just never expected that of him/her”. Let me push a button and ask “why not?”. The thing with expectation is that, with it, comes judgment. If people don’t do what we expect there is potentially a positive or negative judgment that goes with it. Or, even better (!), if people do what we expect (i.e. behave in a way which we don’t like) there’s even more judgment!

Surely it’s better not to have expectations about other people and just focus upon expecting the best of and for ourselves. Let other people take care of their own expectations. So rather than thinking “Oh I hope that X doesn’t get drunk and start to become annoying”, think instead “I’m going to go out and expect to have a good time, regardless of what happens”. Do you see the difference? You’re putting the onus, and expectation, upon yourself and what you want to create for yourself.

One last thought to leave you with…. When we are truly connected with the loving, authentic Self within, there is nothing that we could expect for ourselves that would harm anyone else. Fact. What will you expect for yourself today? Try expecting something wonderful and see what happens, but whatever does, I expect to connect with you again next week!

"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame." Erica Jong

Each passing moment brings with it a brand new opportunity to begin creating exactly what you want in life. All it takes is focus and remembering that you are the architect of your own life.

That’s quite exciting though. Isn’t it? Knowing that you can create and enjoy whatever you want in life? The question is – do you know what you really want? Are you being honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it.

The Ego Self is a tricky little bugger at times and will make you think you don’t want something when IT actually wants it. What I mean by that is, we complain about hardships in life and sometimes moan because “everything’s so awful” and yet the Ego Self is actually delighting in what’s going on because it’s keeping you in a place of stagnation. There can also be huge secondary gains from moaning about “everything being awful”: While you’re moaning people are feeling sorry for you; while you’re moaning you’re not actually taking responsibility for moving yourself forward; while you’re moaning there’s no fear of failure; while you’re moaning, there’s no fear of Success!

The Ego Self would have you believe one of the best ways of getting attention and love from others is by having them feel sorry for you. At first, this can seem to be true as people run about doing whatever they can for you. Eventually though, people can become tired of it and/or frustrated because you appear not to be taking responsibility for helping yourself move forward. That just makes the situation worse and you end up feeling dreadful. Plus the people who care for you can find themselves detaching from the negative vortex of energy being created.

Out of all this, the thing to remember is that we are extensions of The All That Is. It is in everything and it flows through everything. Here’s the thing: God didn’t make life difficult for us – we’re quite capable of doing that for ourselves! What God did do, is give us the power to create what we want and all we need do is take responsibility for where we are headed.

The past has happened. No point dwelling on that. No point going on and on about ‘what a dreadful childhood’ you might have had. Or “what my last partner did to me”. The point is it has happened. Will you wallow in the energy of what was, or will you get excited and create something even better for yourself?

Every passing moment brings with it wonderful opportunities for creating exactly what you want. Did I say that already?! I think I did. And do you know what, I’ll say it again…. Every passing moment brings with it wonderful opportunities to create exactly what you want.

What do you want? What would make you feel better than where you are right now? What would make you so happy right now that you could burst with joy? When you are connected with the beautiful, unconditionally loving, selfless Deep Soul within, there is nothing you could want which would harm anyone else, or yourself. When you love yourself enough that you begin to create that which would bring you even more joy, you help others to do the same.

So as you begin this day, and every day, gift yourself permission to enjoy each moment as it arrives. Begin to get excited about the life you are creating for yourself, rather than wallowing in “what has been”. Affirm to yourself each day: Just for today, I take joyful responsibility for creating the life that I want.

Life was meant to a wonderful and enjoyable opportunity to grow and evolve – do you dare allow yourself to experience that? ;-)