The other day I was on the telephone to a client (I'll her Susan) who was quite stressed about a situation she was dealing with and she didn't know what to do about it. As many people do, when they have to deal with things that appear scary, Susan was beginning to panic about what to do next and what the consequences of her actions, or any lack of action would result. I could hear her beginning to get almost hysterical and tearful so I immediately got her to stop and doing some breathing techniques to re-centre herself, followed by a couple of drops of rescue remedy. Just reminding her to focus on where she was right then, in that moment, was helpful in itself. We then had a more calm conversation about what she could do next to deal with the challenge she was facing. Happily I received an email from Susan this morning telling me that everything was OK and that the fears that were causing her to panic didn't transpire BUT apparently only because she'd managed to stay calm and centred.

Now there's a long introduction to my blog.... Sometimes it's helpful to set the scene in a bit of detail though I think ☺

So, let's get back to Susan and her dilemma. Imagine if I'd not helped her calm down and, instead, joined in and added to her fears about what might have happened. The outcome would most likely have been very different from the positive one, and Susan would have been in a worse state. There's no point becoming mired in the quicksand of negativity to help someone get out of it. You'll end up getting mired yourself and most likely make the other person sink faster! It's better to help a person to calm and centre, then help them find the rope or branch on which they can pull themselves out of the quicksand.

It's also not helpful to tell them that they're no good and that they'll never be able to get out of the situation - all you're doing there is adding more despair and fear, and are more likely to help tip them over the edge. After all, would you like someone to tell you that you're no good when you're dealing with your own pit of quicksand? Of course not. We ask our friends for help in finding the rope that will pull us out back onto solid, dry ground not ask them to help us drill ourselves deeper!

Life never sends us anything that we're unable to deal with. It may send us things that really stretch us. It may even send us things that we cannot deal with alone (which happens often). The thing to do is not be too proud and ask for help when we need it. But allowing ourselves to get drawn into someone else's drama such that we also become mired in the quicksand of negativity isn't helpful for the person we're trying to help or ourselves.

This goes for all forms of negative emotions, not just when others are in a state of panic about what to do next. Gossiping with someone about other people, joining in a person's anger about someone else, worry about what someone will do to resolve a situation, worrying about someone who you know is ill or unwell, and so on. I'm not saying don't be empathetic and supportive - absolutely not. BUT, don't get drawn into worrying, don't get drawn into gossiping, and don't get drawn into the anger. All these things inhibit a person from seeing the way out of the quicksand and all you do is end up getting mired in there with them.

It's worth paying attention to the interactions you're having and see whether you're being drawn into someone's quicksand of negativity. If you are, then you know what to do: re-centre yourself and get back onto dry, stable ground. Gossip, anger, fear, hate, resentment, worry, and panic will all mire you, and the person to whom you're speaking, more deeply in the negativity - and that will just draw more negative stuff to you. Better to stay on solid ground, hold the rope, and give positive encouragement.