There are particular periods of the year when we start to think about what we want to achieve in life. Such as a birthday where we realise we’re another year older and perhaps haven’t yet done all the things we thought we’d have done by that time. Or perhaps New Year, where we “resolve to do better” at some things and “resolve to give up” others.

Goals, aims, ambitions, and dreams are all brilliant ways of helping to give ourselves direction and motivation in our lives. They’re a way of giving us things to work towards and a good way of seeing how far we’ve come when we go back and review them. Remember though, it is the journey to the end that is just as important as reaching the final destination – if not more so. And, of course, there is no “final destination” per se. When we reach one end point, it is just the beginning point of another journey.

So aims are good things. Aren’t they? If they’re set by you because you want to achieve them then yes, absolutely. If they’re set by others because that’s what they think you should be doing perhaps they’re not so helpful. It’s very easy for others to stand outside of your life and your experience and tell you what you should or should not be doing. We are all different and our paths vary from person to person – whether or not that seems obvious to us. We all have a slightly different model of the world and how it should be run and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because it means we get diversity of views and so can embrace the best of the best to make this world a much more wonderful place to live in.

However, when it comes to setting aims and goals, all too often we feel the pressure of society, our family, friends, or peers telling us things that they think would be good for us. “You should give up smoking”, “You should lose a bit of weight”, “You should be more helpful around the home”, “You should learn to be more assertive” (Oh the irony at that last statement!). And the common word in all those “resolutions” is, of course, “should”. When I hear that word sometimes I find it hard not to go “aaaaaaaaargh”!

So what should we do instead of listening to shoulds? My answer to that is, do what feels right to you and what you want to do and not what other people think you “should” do! Decide what your goals, aims, dreams, and achievements are by what you (and yes I do mean YOU) want. If you want to give up smoking then set a workable aim to do so. If you want to shed some excess weight and become fitter, do it because you know it will make you feel good when you’ve achieved it. If you want to be more on time for things do it because you can see how it will benefit you and those around you. Do none of these things “because that’s what you do at the beginning of each year” or “because you really should”, or “because it would make other people happy”.

Now you may think there’s a selfish theme running through these ponderings. And you’d be right! How on earth can you expect to help others be happy if you’re not happy in your own skin or with what you’re working towards? Better to choose aims and dreams that make you happy and motivate you than choose goals that you procrastinate over, get angry about, and/or drag your heals kicking and screaming to the end. Life was meant to be about joy, happiness, creation, expansion, beauty, sharing, and love – God didn’t make life hard for us, we do that ourselves!