You’d like to think that, when we make a promise, or a vow, it will always have a positive outcome. That’s why we make them after all, isn’t it? We make promises to those we love. We make promises to those we serve. We make promises to ourselves. We make promises and vows all the time - sometimes subconsciously.

There are lots of reasons we make promises: to assure others of our support and love; to assure those we serve that we’ll fulfil their requirements of us; to reassure those who feel we’ve let them down (especially after having a disagreement or argument); to make commitments and “life rules” for ourselves and others. We make loads of promises and vows, all the time - even when we don’t use those exact words. “I should”, “In future I will always...”, “I will never...”, “I must never...”.

Can you feel the power and energy around those phrases? What about “I promise to...”, “I vow to...”? As a child it was always drummed into me to “keep my promises”, “keep my word”, “never go back on my word”, “never break a promise”. On the surface - that may not seem such a bad thing. After all, what’s the point in making a promise if you’re not going to honour it with all your intention?

That’s all well and good. Indeed, making promises isn’t always a bad thing. BUT what about the times that it is unhelpful. Can you think of any off the top of your head? What about this one: “I promise never to let you down”. Or this one “I promise always to be there for you”. Or this one: “I vow never to be angry again”. Or this one: “I will never, ever lie again” Aaaaaaargh! These are so unhelpful and limiting!

Think about it. “I will always be there for you”. Can you absolutely know that? Can you absolutely know that you will always be there for someone? Let’s say you make this promise to someone. Then, one day, you’re on holiday abroad, and the person really needs your help. But you can’t do anything because you’re abroad. It’s just not possible for you to help them. You’ve just broken your promise.

What about this one: “I will never ever lie again”. You’re organising a surprise for your partner (to whom you’ve made this promise) and he/she asks you questions about what you’ve been doing as you’ve appeared quite secretive. You don’t want to spoil the surprise, so you try to think of something else to put them off the sent. You’ve just broken your promise.

Whether you’re overtly aware of it or not, whenever we step on these vows and promises that we make, we’re trying to go against the rules that we’ve subconsciously programmed. This causes all sorts of stress and we often don’t realise why, because we make vows and promises quite regularly. We may even have only made the particular assertion once in our lives, but it’s still programmed into our subconscious memory.

How about a traumatic childhood experience where you were perhaps performing at a school concert that didn’t go accordingly to plan. And you, upset and distressed, affirmed that “you will never put yourself forward for anything public ever again”. You go through your life and you forget you made that promise... but it’s still sitting there in your subconscious computer!

Vows and promises can also be incredibly restrictive. This is a Universe full of infinite possibilities, and the Universe will find the most efficient and effective possibility and way to send you things you want. I realised recently that I’d made a vow “to pay all my debt off completely by myself - with no help or deductions”. I’m not even going to tell you what I said when I realised how much I’d just limited myself! Talk about closing down any other options or possibilities that could exist!

In and of themselves, vows and promises are not bad things. We just need to be aware of what we’re actually promising and vowing to do and then ask ourselves “is that really realistic?”.

Here’s one that may well push a few buttons: “.... ‘til us do part”. You may well recognise it as part of the commonly used wedding vows. Much as I love my partner, and really I do, I won’t make that promise because I just don’t know what might happen. He might all in love with someone else, or I might. Or we might fall out of love with each other. Of course, I hope we do stay together, but nothing is set in stone. The thing is, if you make this vow to be with someone until you die, no matter what, you could be setting yourself up for all sorts of problems later. Now I’m not saying don’t commit to someone. All relationships need to be worked at, so I don’t think giving up at the first hurdle is the best thing to do. However, what about something like “I promise to say with you for as long as it still works for us both”.

Now I know that some will disagree with that last paragraph and that’s absolutely fine. It wouldn’t all do for us to think the same. But what I’m trying to get at here is: be careful about what you vow and promise as you may be setting yourself up for a fall by promising something that really isn’t totally feasible, or that you absolutely CANNOT guarantee.

Think about the language you use when talking to yourself and others and be aware of any vows or promises that you have made (or do make) that either a) no longer serve you, or b) are most likely not completely achievable. Don’t set yourself up for a fall and give yourself a rod to beat yourself with by making a promise or a vow that, at some point in the future, you may be unable to keep. Think about this promise:

I promise to do and be the best I can be, and I vow to forgive and accept myself completely and unconditionally when I realise my best today was not as good as my best yesterday.