It has become apparent to me over my years working as a therapist and coach, and as a human being, that so many people struggle with the concept of self nurture. So I ask myself “Why is that?”. To answer: I think there are lots of reasons! Lack of feeling we deserve to be nurtured; perceived lack of time for self nurturing; feelings of guilt when we do get five minutes to ourselves; the ego needing to be needed by others; a sense of victimhood and “woe is me”. It could be one or a combination of all these reason or, indeed, something else completely. The point is though, lots of people find it difficult giving themselves time out and a bit of nurturing.

The Ego Self will of course tell you that you don’t deserve to take time out, and that there are far more important things to do with your time. In some ways, this is why I admire so many older people who no longer work - they tend to lose the impetus to run around like idiots making themselves tired from over-activity! I overheard a woman in Sainsbury’s, who appeared to be in her early 70s, saying to the person at the checkout “Do you know, I give myself a little treat every day” and the young man at the checkout replied “good for you! Any particular reason?” To which the woman replied “Because I’m worth it” and then shook her head like those models in the beauty products advert - except she had short curly hair ☺ Both of .them laughed and I couldn’t help joining in. She looked at me and smiled and winked, and then said “I just wish I’d realised that years ago”.

Now I know some people reading this will be thinking “well yes she’s got time to treat herself as she’s not working and doesn’t have a family to look after” and words to that effect. Do you know, one of the things I really love and admire about my grandmother (and always have done) is her ability to do the things she’s wanted as well as looking after her husband and family. And I do mean all the time I’ve known her not just in her retirement years. Yes she worked hard, but she always appeared to be comfortable enough giving to herself when she wanted to. I assure you, her doing that never diminished her ability to give to other people - not in the slightest.

The other thing to think about, of course, is - would you treat other people the way you treat yourself sometimes? I think probably not. We are .often very hard on ourselves and deny ourselves the treat of having a sit down and cup of tea “because there’s always something else that needs doing”. Well I’m here to tell you today - looking after yourself needs to be at the top of your list of priorities. YOU are number one and you need to be, otherwise, how one earth can you expect to be able to look after all the other people that need your help? Now don’t let the Ego Self get carried away here... this is not about self importance or arrogance, it’s just plain sense. When you’re on an aeroplane and the oxygen masks come down, you are told to put your own mask on before helping other people. That’s what I mean here.

Another way to look at it is, if you nurture and love yourself, then you help give other people permission to do the same. What a wonderful world this would be if we all loved ourselves that little bit more. We would then not be trying to bully other people into giving us love that we feel we are missing. Further, the more we love ourselves, the more likely we are to be loved by everyone else. Self respect shows other people that you are worthy of respect and life can be a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.

So, have a think about the last time your nurtured yourself. Do you do it often? What thing (or things) could you do, every day (no matter how small), to nurture yourself and remind yourself that you too “are worth it”! It could be time to read the paper, a walk in the park, 5 minutes just to sit and think, a chocolate bar, piece of cake, calling a friend or family member that you enjoy speaking to, taking a nice soak in the bath, watching a film you haven’t seen, going out for dinner, having a take out meal. The possibilities are endless! Go nurture yourself and treat yourself the way God would like to see you treated - with love and respect.