When we think of today, February 14th, often what comes to mind is Valentine’s Day. That’s not a bad thing. Indeed – any time we think about sharing our love with others is actually a good thing.

Thinking about ourselves is also not a bad thing. Indeed, we can often spend so much time giving our love, our time, and our attention to those around us such that we ignore loving and appreciating ourselves. In order to love others completely and unconditionally, we need first to love ourselves this way. When we do love ourselves unconditionally, we do not worry then whether our love for others is returned or not. This is because we do not place our validation or approval on others’ shoulders – because we love and approve of ourselves.

How often have you felt “naughty” or “guilty” when doing things for yourself? For instance, buying yourself something and then telling others “I’ve been a bit naughty and done X for myself”. Is it really so bad that we do things for ourselves? Is it really so dreadful that sometimes, just sometimes, we put our needs first? There is a difference, I think, between being incredibly selfish and never helping others, and making sure that you are in a good position to be able to help effectively. As a coach and therapist it’s paramount that I’m in a good space for my clients, or I could end up doing more harm than good. How respectful is that of them? Or of myself too!?!

You see, we’re often brought up to think about always thinking about others first, even if we end up suffering. “We must put the needs of those we love above our own needs”. I’m not saying that, at times, we cannot or should not offer selfless service to others. Indeed – quite the contrary. But we must learn to remember that there IS enough to go around! We must learn to find the balance between giving effectively and not doing half-hearted attempts at helping everyone that a) don’t help them properly and/or b) put us in a position where we cause a detriment to them or, indeed, ourselves. This includes doing things for ourselves! Sometimes, we need help in loving and appreciating ourselves and, do you know what, that’s not a bad thing! It means that we have the humility and self awareness to know when we need a bit of nurturing and support from others. It means that, when we’re self aware, we can be even more aware of how we can be of most help to others.

Time to let go of these feelings of guilt and naughtiness when we do things to give ourselves love and appreciation. Everyone deserves love. Absolutely everyone. Without exception. So stop focusing on why you feel you don’t, and focus instead on why you do! Do something today, no matter how small, to show yourself some appreciation. Remember, the more you love and appreciate yourself, the more you can selflessly love and appreciate others… and the more they will love and appreciate you.

"If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away." John Steinbeck